You’ve got a friend in me
There are many times I sit and think about my past and think of how different things could be. If I had gone about things in different ways and the thought of ‘what if‘,
I feel looking back at the moment is something I need to make me stronger. I have felt happy, cared for, special, invincible, crazy and on top of the world as well as hurt, angry, let down, fooled and misplaced. All of these feelings caused by Friendship.
I see myself as a friendly person who would go out of there way to ensure others are ok and when needed i would be there. I never found this reciprocated by many and to be honest never expected it to be until I look back and think friends? What friends?
I am not a negative person but to me I hit a low. The effort and time I put in to make sure everyone else was ok and everything was made easy for them, I was the one stressing and over analysing situations just so they were ok which is what friends, I assumed, would do for one another.
The realisation came after an amazing turn in my life. I met a boy fell in love very quickly and unexpectedly we had a baby, too early for sure and especially unexpectadly. We split when she was 6 months old and my world fell apart. We couldn’t adapt to this new life together and still young ourselves we decided on a mutual split. I struggled. But this change I can only describe as incredible and a solid life lesson!
My whole world has become a different place and with that I learnt my friends were not who I thought. I was no longer the girl to go partying every night, the girl who could just drop everything and say I’m in! I feel alone sometimes. I was always the girl surrounded by friends and suddenly I understand why I’m not. I wasn’t a ‘friend’, I was an acquaintance.
I have a handful of people now who I would class as good friends and I know have looked after me. I am eternally grateful for them and treasure them. I just feel alone in my situation at times. I wish I was that girl with lots of friends around me all the time so I didn’t feel so lonely? As a mum we can’t always do what we want to do especially when working aswell. I am learning maybe I mixed with the wrong people? Sure I still speak to a few from before my daughter was born but not much. I had my priorities and I stick to them.
My baby is my whole world and sometimes yes I can admit I forget what I have and how lucky I am. I possibly could do more, I’m not a terrible mother but I sure have my off days! Sometimes I wish to God I had friends who could help me through this part of life with a girly night once in a while or just another mum to talk to in my position to relate too?
I was always outgoing and still am just in other ways. I take pride in hearing my baby girl call me mum, the terrible twos have hit and I do struggle I am not ashamed to admit, but I would not change things for the world! She is my everything 🙂
If you have a similar story or can relate to me I would love to hear from you 🙂 speak soon,
girlaccessable, signing off